I know, I know, I haven't kept up with this blog at all lately. Since I started working full time in November, I just feel like I don't have the time. But the truth is, I just don't know what to write about these days.
We've had a rough few months at the Andrews house, truth be told. Without going into details, let's just say, we're struggling with raising these two beautiful girls we chose to adopt. They are truly amazing, and beautiful girls, but, oh, how they can be challenging!
We've always known that their teenage years would be challenging. From the very beginning they showed us little hints of "things to come." But there was no way we could prepare outselves for the reality that we are now living. And the younger one is not even a teenager yet! YIKES! We're constantly having to remind her that she's only 12, and that she should enjoy being 12, because, all too soon, she's going to be grown up, and there's no going back. But, like most 12-year-olds, she can't possibly understand that concept. She's so anxious to grow up.
I think the hardest thing about it is that we love them so desperately, and we want so much for them to be happy. But right now, happy is not a word I would use to describe them. It hurts my heart to think that all our efforts only seem to be making them miserable. Yes, that's the hardest part.
So, I find myself at the end of each day praying that God will give me the wisdom to handle the issues we are facing with them. So far, He hasn't seen fit to do that. And so we continue to struggle, making huge mistakes along the way. And wondering if the mistakes are irreparable. Have we done permanent damage? Is there no way back?
And, although He hasn't taken the challenges away from us, He has given us the strength to continue pressing forward. I know that we can't do this ourselves. We desperately need His help. I haven't given up, and I haven't given in, though sometimes I definitely feel like doing just that.
The only thing that keeps me going sometimes is thinking about our two grown children, who somehow managed to grow up into wonderful, loving, kind, amazing people, in spite of all the mistakes we made with them. I'm holding on to that. In fact, I'm clinging to it desperately.
Especially today.
My beautiful Krista
My beautiful Leah
1 comment:
Thanks for sharing, Debby. I will start walking alongside you in prayer. I have glimpses of those thoughts pretty much every day though I won't know exactly what you mean 'til we get there. Love you!
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