Remembering Danny Vega

It certainly wasn't a phone call I was expecting, but, in a strange way, it wasn't a surprise, either. Poor Stacey. She knew she should call me to tell me the news, but I could tell it was hard for her to actually say the words. Danny Vega died in his sleep the weekend after Thanksgiving. Apparently, he had been living with significant blockage in a main artery to his heart for quite some time (I think that was it--frankly, the phone call was a blur). So sad.

Danny Joe Vega was not your average Joe. He was "different." Full of joy, really. Full of potential. It's so sad that he made some critical mistakes several years ago. Mistakes that changed the lives of his entire family. Mistakes that he could never make up for. But in the last few years of his life, I think he was really trying to make up for them. And, in a lot of ways, I think he was successful.

I'm so thankful that his kids were able to find forgiveness, and to build a relationship with him. James worked especially hard at it. He never gave up on Danny. But Stacey. . . it was hard for her. She was bitter. Forgiveness didn't come easy to her. But, it did come, finally. And I'm so glad for her.

Danny's memorial service was just like Danny--unique. . . funny. Lots of stories about his creative use of duct tape and rope, and his unique style of discipline. Gene and I have many fond memories of spending time with Carla and Danny in the early years. Lots of laughter, lots of joy raising our kids together. It's so nice to see our kids so close to Carla's kids still. I never had that with any of my cousins, and it's special to watch.

Putting together the slideshow for the service brought those memories flooding back, and I found myself sitting here at my computer with tears streaming down my face as I looked at all the photos of Danny and Carla. They were so happy back then. It's so hard to believe they're both gone.

But they had some amazing kids. Strong, beautiful kids. And they would have been so proud of those kids at the service. Such strength and grace! I'm so blessed to call them my nieces and nephews.

Here's the slideshow that was played at the service. You'll be missed, Danny!

Halloween Candy

Every year we tell the girls that we aren't "doing" Halloween. We were determined to stick to our guns this year, but, as usual, somehow they managed to talk us into letting them go Trick-or-Treating. They came up with their own costumes (Krista was a dog again, and Leah was Wednesday Addams), and they went out with a couple of friends. Unfortunately, they didn't get dressed in their costumes at home, and they took them off before they got home, so we didn't get any pictures of them dressed up.

They both got a TON of candy! Leah took hers straight to her room, but Krista dumped hers out in the living room and reveled in her treasure. Here are some pictures of her load. She had already eaten several pieces before we took these. Anyone who knows Krista knows that she was in HEAVEN!

Bristow was very interested in the candy.

She REALLY wanted some candy!

Decisions, Decisions!

You'd think that, at almost 50, I'd know what I want to do with my life. But that, unfortunately, is not the case. Each time that I find myself "between jobs," I go through the whole, "what should I do now?" thing. Since I don't have a college degree in ANYTHING, I don't really look good on paper, so I've had to rely on friends and former co-workers to get jobs. And I've been pretty lucky through the years. I've had some great jobs, and I've been given wonderful opportunities to learn new skills. I've skipped around in various fields, making me the jack of all trades, and master of none, really. So, when I was laid off in March, during very difficult economic times for the country and for my family, it was time (again) to start thinking about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

If I were about 20 years younger, I think I'd go back to school and be an interior designer. I am one of those people who watches HOURS and HOURS of HGTV design shows.

I also watch all of the real estate shows, and I've often thought that I'd enjoy being a real estate agent. But that's such a huge risk, and you guys all know that I'm excruciatingly shy, which doesn't make for a great salesperson. But I can't get this particular idea out of my mind. However, bills are piling up, and I feel like I need a "sure thing"--a salary. I'm not sure I can take the risk--can I?

Although I'm a pretty good project manager, and am administratively and organizationally gifted, I'm really not very creative. And, I've definitely NOT kept up with the changes in multimedia technology, so I don't think it makes sense to pursue graphic design or art direction.

I DEFINITELY don't want to be a Director of Children's Ministry again--EVER (although it was probably the best job I've ever had).

Without a degree in Educational Technology, it's difficult to be taken seriously as an Instructional Designer unless someone I have worked with in the past recommends me. But apparently I'm pretty good at this, and I think I have natural ability in this area. So, I decided to take some online classes and go through San Diego State University's Educational Technology Certificate Program. I took the first two classes over the summer. Doing this while working on a contract for IVID (my former employer), was VERY difficult, but I managed to eek out two A's.

Once the two classes were done, I had to make a decision whether to shell out another large sum of money to take the next one. I had already committed a significant amount of money (and time) taking the other two, so I felt like I should continue.

But that nagging thought of being a real estate agent kept popping up. Going this route would mean shelling out more money to go in yet another direction. Gene and I had many conversations about the decision. But Gene doesn't really give advice, he just lets me know that he will support any decision I make, and that he isn't worried that I will fail. He and my sister, Kathi, have always been my own personal cheerleaders in life, making me feel like I could do almost anything. I'm very blessed that way.

So, what to do, what to do?

I decided to just go for it. What the heck? I'm almost 50, for cryin' out loud. If I'm ever going to do what I want to do, now's the time. If I let it pass by this time, I'll probably never pursue it. And there will always be that nagging "what if" feeling.

Right?

OK, so I shelled out the cost of the required real estate classes and excitedly set about getting them done as quickly as possible, with the plan of hopefully getting my license by the end of the year. In the meantime, I've hooked up with an old high school friend who works for Keller Williams Realty, and I've been learning all I can so that I'll be able to hit the ground walking when I do get my license.

Of course, when you're on Unemployment, you have to be applying for a job. So, I have been applying for jobs here and there, and I have my resume posted on Monster.com. But I haven't had any real serious hits from any employers. Until last week when I got an e-mail from someone at an employment agency who saw my resume on Monster.com and thought I might be interested in a job with a defense contractor here in San Diego. Sure, I told him. If it's a good fit (I mean, we have to eat, right?). He asked me to send some samples of my work and told me I should be hearing back from them by the end of the day (that was on Monday).

I sent some samples, and didn't hear anything back from him by the end of the week, so I pretty much gave up on that. I had done my due diligence that was required of me from the Employment Development Department, so I felt good about it. But when I didn't hear anything, I got back into the whole pursuit of the real estate license again, feeling like it was a sign from God that I should just give up on being an instructional designer once and for all.

And then, yesterday, out of the blue, the guy called me again. Said his client was interested in interviewing me, and that I should be hearing from them soon to set up an interview. Gahhhh!!!

We do need the money. Being on Unemployment for almost 7 months has definitely taken a toll on our piddly savings. And, I can't turn down a job if it is offered (without losing my unemployment benefits). So, I'm basically "on hold" while I wait to find out if they truly do want to interview me. And if they do, I'll have to go and see what the job is all about. Then, if they do offer me the job, I'll have to take it. And, the truth is that the thought of having a salary again is a bit enticing.

But, maybe they won't offer me the job. I mean, I have no experience in the field of Naval training. They are looking for someone with technical writing experience, which really isn't my area of expertise.

So, I wait.

To be continued. . .

Tomorrow

I've known it was coming for weeks. It's been right on my heels, trying to sneak up on me without warning, but I've felt it. It has come every year for the last five years, and it will come this year, too.

Tomorrow.

It's still beyond my comprehension that Carla is no longer in "this world" with me; that I can't call her to share some silly joke or ask her for advice when I'm struggling with a problem. My mind can't fully take it in that her spirit has moved on--my sister and best friend. It's so unfair--and the pain in my heart is still so - well, painful.

I wonder if it will always be like this--coloring my world a gloomy grey when it should be filled with the vibrant blue of the California sky and the vivid oranges, yellows, and reds of the new fall season (yes, even in San Diego, you can see these colors . . . if you look hard enough).

Tomorrow.

I want to wish away this dreaded anniversary; ignore it, and pretend it's just an ordinary day like any other. But tomorrow will surely come, and I will surely wake up with the familiar ache in my chest. And I'll go through my "Carla box" of memories, and I'll cry--again. I'll mentally list all the joyous events she's missed, like James' and Sabrina's wedding, and the events that are still to come, like Anna's upcoming wedding, and one day Scott's, Stacey's, and eventually, Kelby's. The many grandchildren that she so desperately wanted, but that she'll never know. (Thankfully, she did get to see Ashlyn and Ben.)

Tomorrow.

The recent passing of Patrick Swayze to the same, evil pancreatic cancer that took her life has made this year especially difficult. All the painful memories of her last months came flooding back when I heard the news of his death, and I found myself drawn to any media reports about his life, and I sat in solitude, unable to change the channel, tears pouring down my face unchecked.

But the tears are cleansing somehow. In some strange way, they create a momentum that carries me forward. She wouldn't want me to wallow in sadness. I know that. But, even after six years, the hole she left is still there, gaping and raw, and I'm still left with a heavy emptiness that weighs me down and tries to crush my spirit. And sometimes--all too often, really--it succeeds.

Oh, how I miss her!

This morning, as I ate breakfast, contemplating the coming day, God reminded me of a verse that I've often quoted to comfort others who are grieving or going through a difficult time: "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."
Psalm 30:5

I'm praying that my joy will be renewed soon.

Maybe tomorrow.

Mom's Visit

My mom came out for to visit for a week. It had been over two years since we had seen her on our way back from Louisiana after Gene's mom died. It was so nice to spend some quality time with her! We kept her busy the whole week, barely giving her any time to rest. She probably needed a vacation when she got home!

Bristow took to her right away. She stayed by her feet wherever she went. It was a miracle Mom didn't trip over her!

We went to the Barona Museum.

Here's Mom at the Viejas Outlet Mall.

Mom and me before church

At the zoo

I love this one of Mom and Leah!

Mom kept up with us really well, even though she uses a walker. We all had a wonderful week, and we miss her already!

Krista Montana

Although she denies it to all of her friends, Krista loves Hannah Montana. She and Leah both watch the show in secret, and then profess to their friends that they can't stand it. So imagine my surprise when Krista tells me that she wants to dress up as Hannah Montana for the "Dress like a Pop Star Day" at the Boys & Girls Club.

We went to Justice (formerly "Limited Too") and got the outfit. I only bought the skirt and vest, she bought the gloves, sunglasses and hat. Then we went to the Disney Store where she found the wig on sale. She was thrilled to discover it was only $4.

When she put the wig on, she said, "See, this is why I wish I didn't have tan skin and brown eyes. I look ridiculous with blonde hair!" But I could tell she felt beautiful.

She kept saying that she wished it was a contest, because she would TOTALLY win (she's a little bit competitive--don't know where she gets it). But it was just for fun. Here are a few photos.

Mom is 73 Years Young!

In honor of Mom's birthday today, I am starting a list of 73 things I love about her. Since I know that many of the readers of my blog also love her, you can all add to the list until we get 73 things. Just be sure to number them in your comments.

Here are the first 10:

1. For setting the example that marriage is "for better or for worse," but mostly making it better for Dad (and him for her)
   
2. How she would cook banana pudding for special occasions even though she doesn't like it
3. For telling us to "look it up in the dictionary" rather than just telling us how to spell a word, so we would really learn how to spell it
4. For making sure we always had dinner together as a family, even if sometimes it was just biscuits and jelly
   
5. For loving ALL of my children equally and unconditionally
6. That she's so much stronger than any of us gave her credit for
7. For sharing her faith and making sure her kids grew up knowing Jesus
8. For teaching me that it's "all of a sudden," not "allah the sudden" when I was like 12
9. For having to be the disciplinarian even though she knew we would resent her for it
10. For all the memories of growing up as a Jinks
    

Thank you, Mom! I love you, and hope you have a wonderful birthday, and a fantastic year. I can't wait to see you in August!

Father's Day & Graduation

June was a busy month for us! First, Ryan left for Japan (sad, sad day). Then there was my surgery on the fourth (not fun). Next, the girls graduated from Middle School (Leah) and Elementary School (Krista). Last, but not least, was Father's Day.

In between all the special days, everyday life went on. I'm taking two online classes at San Diego State University (SDSU) towards a certificate in Educational Technology. I'm hoping this will help me get a job, but I won't finish the program until next summer. So far, I've been keeping up pretty well with the assignments for both classes, but it's been challenging to do while working on my freelance project with IVID, which is thankfully almost finished.

We've also been trying to get our back yard cleaned up, because we're having a 4th of July BBQ with some of Carla's kids on Saturday. We've kinda let our yard go over the winter and spring, so it's been a lot of work just to get it back to what it was in the fall. And, of course we keep getting sidetracked with other small projects. It never ends!

Here are a few photos from Father's Day. We went to Black Angus after church.

TGIF: Almost anyway

It's actually Thursday night, but I'm feeling thankful early. Almost exactly one week ago, I woke up in the recovery room after having laparoscopic gall bladder removal surgery. I love the woozy feeling of waking up from anesthesia. But it didn't take long for the pain to break through that warm, fuzzy feeling. YIKES! I wasn't expecting it to be so painful. The nurse gave me two Percocet, and told me that I'd get a good night's sleep now.

NOT! It was a very long and sleepless night. My mouth was so dry, my lip kept getting stuck above my teeth (a very attractive look). I couldn't wait for the required 4 hours to be up so that I could take some Vicodin. Although that helped some, it wasn't much relief.

On Tuesday, I called my doctor, because I was concerned that I was still in so much pain after five days. I mean, everyone else I've talked to who have had this surgery have recovered much more quickly. What's wrong with me? The nurse reassured me that it was completely normal to still be feeling so much pain, especially since there was significant inflammation. But it is not normal to have so much breakthrough pain while taking Vicodin, so she recommended Percocet, a stronger drug. Bring it on! I couldn't wait to get that miracle drug! The next day, Gene picked it up, and I happily took one and settled in for a nice, pain-free nap.

No such luck.

I tried taking a second one, just to get things started on the new drug.

Nothing.

Argghhhh!!!!

It reminded me of when I was about 13, and I had a REALLY sore throat. My dad told me he was going to pick up some really great throat spray that would take the pain away. I clung to the hope of this amazing spray taking away the horrible pain. The next hour went by at an excruciatingly slow pace as I waited for Dad to come back. When he finally came in my room and sprayed the miracle elixir in my mouth, I almost threw up! It was horrible! And it didn't help my sore throat AT ALL! Wha!!!!!????? Oh, what a disappointment! To this day I hate Chloraseptic.

So, I'm going to pick up a refill for my Vicodin tomorrow. It's been a long week.

But here are some things I'm thankful for as this week comes to a blessed close:

• I've been sleeping A LOT. It's been nice to get that kind of rest. It's been YEARS since I've slept so well.
• The girls have been so sweet (to me, to Gene, and even to each other - a little).
• I've lost four more pounds for a total of 16 since this whole gall bladder thing started.
• Gene has been able to take a full week off of work, and he has been VERY helpful. He even made me a stepstool to help me get into my high bed easier. I love it!

I'm ready to feel better now, please.

A Future in Dog Training

A couple of weeks ago, Krista had a school assignment to design a poster about your future career. She wants to be either a veterinarian or an animal trainer, so we took a few photos of her working with our dogs. It was really cute. She was so serious about "training" them (to do tricks they already knew how to do). They were somewhat cooperative, but we never did get Bennett giving her a high-5, which is her best trick.








She got an A on her poster. : )

TGIF - Back to Normal!

It's here! After almost six years of working nights, Gene starts on the day shift next week. We have longed and prayed for this day to come. We thought it might happen a few months ago, but it fell through. So I was afraid to get my hopes up when it came up in conversation again. I didn't want to say anything until I was sure it was really going to happen.

He worked his last night - well, last night. No more lonely nights! I'm very thankful for this blessing, and am really looking forward to our lives getting back to "normal." It's been so long, I don't know what normal is, though. Now I'll have to fix dinner for a family of four instead of one adult and two picky kids. I need to go grocery shopping!

And I'm going to have to get used to sharing the remote control for the TV. I have gotten used to having complete control. And I tend to watch two or three shows at a time, which drives Gene crazy. I also like to watch TV in bed until I fall asleep (again, two or three shows at a time).

I guess I'm now going to have to take Krista to school and pick her up every day (Gene usually takes her in the morning, but he'll be working 6:00 - 3:00 now). That's going to be rough.

Most Sundays it will just be just the girls and me going to church, because he'll be working Sunday through Thursday.

This could be a difficult adjustment for all of us. But all of these challenges haven't dampened my spirit. I'm still VERY excited!

Easter 2009

It was a beautiful day in Lakeside today. We took advantage and had a picnic in the park. We took the dogs (big mistake), and cooked our Easter dinner out on the grill. Had a great time.

Before we went, the girls had to go on a treasure hunt for their Easter "baskets." Here are a few videos of them finding their clues.

Hope you all had a blessed Easter!

The treasure hunt begins
Clue #1: "Three little buddies on you depend.
For themselves they cannot fend."


Clue #2: "Each day you should have eight of these.
In this drawer you might find zucchini and peas."


Clue #3: "How much did you grow last year?
You will find your next clue here."
(We have measured all our kids on the metal cabinet in the garage since we always rented - until now.)
Clue #4: "Mom needs to get work done.
The dogs want to come in to have some fun."
Clue #5: "Brush your teeth, take a bath.
This is the next stop on the path."



Clue #6 (in our teeny, tiny bathroom): "God gave His Son for us, we know.
John 3:16 tells us so."


Clue #7: It's a beautiful day, go take a peek.
You will find the treasure you seek!"

Ryan's Birthday Dinner

Ryan doesn't ask for much for his birthday. All he ever wants is a home-cooked meal. I even let him choose what he wanted. He chose stuffed shells, because, as he jokingly tells everyone, it's the only thing I can really cook. It's not true, but he likes to tell it like that. Whatever. He also asked for carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.

So, we invited James and Sabrina, and our friend from our days at the Rock Church, Christina, over for dinner and a game of Cranium. We hadn't seen James and Sabrina since the dog show a year and a half ago, and we hadn't seen Christina since we left the Rock almost four years ago. It was nice to get together with all of them and just catch up on everything.

I guess I have to admit that the guys won the game that night. It was close, but only because they were really unlucky with their rolls. So, it was a humbling experience to lose, but we still had a great time.

Here are some photos and a couple of videos of the evening.

Happy birthday, Ryan!

And this one's for Kyle



Sabrina and Christina posing for the camera

Gene serving up ice cream.

Leah enjoying a beer with her cake and ice cream (root beer!)

Ryan and Krista being silly (surprise)

James is obviously enjoying something funny.

Ryan really enjoys the sound of the timer song.

Puppet Master Christina trying to get her puppet, Sabrina, to act like she's mowing a lawn

The guys are trying to work out a Data Head question.

Here's Ryan acting out "Trick or Treat."



And here's a rare photo of Ryan not being silly. He's so handsome!