Five Years

It seems like just months ago—and yet, it seems like an eternity. Five years. My mind can’t fully take it in. I woke up this morning (did I even sleep?) with the same crushing feeling that I felt every morning during the painful weeks and months after “the diagnosis.”

With Carla on my mind, I got up and took out my “Carla Memory Box.” A small, metal, off-white box with her photo on the front. It holds my special mementos and photos of her. This has become my annual ritual since her death. As I open the box, and pause over each photo and card, memories come flooding back. Tears pour down my face. My head hurts, my heart aches. It’s somehow overwhelming, and comforting at the same time.

Those memories sustain me when the pain of missing her becomes almost unbearable. Cherished memories of my sister and best friend growing up. What a wonderful childhood we had! We talked often about how thankful we were for our family—how lucky we were to have such strong, wise, caring parents and funny, smart, and talented siblings.





Fond memories of raising our families together. Helping each other through marital problems. Taking for granted that we were blessed beyond measure. Never thinking for a moment that it could all end at any time.

I’m so thankful for all the memories I have of her. And I’m thankful for her legacy—her beautiful kids. But her legacy goes beyond her own kids. Her life has had an effect on so many other kids through her work in the Children’s Ministry at the Rock Church.

Oh, how I wish I could go back and work with her in Pebbles Pathway! But God had other plans—plans that would challenge me to the very core of my being. Taking over as the Director changed my life forever. I never imagined how her death would bring me so much heartache and so much joy at the same time. Some of my most precious memories make up those two incredible and challenging years. Amazing growth—personally, spiritually, and professionally. Amazing friendships forged. Amazing memories stored up.

On the first anniversary of her death, we had “Children’s Ministry Sunday” at church. We played this slideshow in her honor.



When I think of all the kids and ministry workers who will continue her legacy at the various churches around the county and even the country, I am overcome with a melancholy sense of hope. Who knows how that will play out in the years to come—how many future generations will be impacted by her work?

What an amazing person she was. What a wonderful friend.

Love to all her beautiful kids today. And to my siblings. And to my mom. And to all the friends who loved her and miss her.